For the past two years I have been surrounded by pregnant women at work and mothers that love gabbing about their baby making experience with the pregnant women...and me. Then they stare at me and ask when I'm going to have a baby.
It's not that I really mind pregnant women, a lot of these coworkers have become really good friends of mine. But it's been two years and it's been one after another. I thought I'd escaped when I left my old job for the one in Tampa. But the first day I arrive the girl closest to my age reveals she is 7 weeks in.
I've heard every detail about childbirth, carrying a child, raising a child, the pain, the sweat, the poop (Poop! it's the main topic of conversation!), the bladder issues, the loss of control over your body, the painful breasts, the nipples, the teething, the belly fat, the back fat, etc. etc. I know the cost, the benefits, and the downfalls of natural birth vs hospital births vs. c-sections like the back of my hand. I feel as though I could write a bible of pregnancy that would fully scare away all women from reproducing.
And they revel in the details. It's a source of great amusement. Most of the time they are hilarious. But then they get to that one tiny detail where my face just turns pale and I start shoveling everything out of my purse hunting for birth control pills. There's always a huge cackle in the office when I do this. I think they realized now that I am SO. NOT. THERE.
It got so bad at one point I woke up at night panicking because I was having nightmares that I was pregnant too. I'm responsible...but paranoid.
It doesn't help that 3 out of 5 pregnancies I know were accidents. Simple mistakes. Somebody didn't get their pills refilled because they moved, or somebody thought they were infertile. Someone who had just started a new form of contraception and got pregnant anyways. Then I get to read grants at work with statistics like "Over 40% of pregnancies between the ages of 25-35 are unplanned**." and then I freak out even more.
It's just not my time yet. I've always loved kids but never really felt any desire to have my own. I like returning them after an hour or two. And I have to admit...I love all the friends I've made. I'm so happy for them. But I'm burnt out on pregnancy. If anything the past two years have made me want kids less.
So when I get my first doctors appointment after my big move, the first thing I will ask for is renewed contraception. I still have two months left. And it will take a HUGE weight off my chest.
** Statistic may not be completely accurate. The general gist was that there were a big number of unplanned pregnancies in my age group.
My dad works at Wal-mart. He's a pretty lucky guy since he barely speaks English and has a job at Wal-mart. It's a lot better than most of the Chinese in the area where I grew up who work in restaurants all day long (12 hours or so). They work in front of hot gas stoves, they lift heavy things, they cook all day in ungodly Florida heat. My dad's been there. Now he works at Wal-mart where he does his 40 hours a week. He does some heavy lifting but he comes home on time and is in much better health.
So I'm trying to deal with his health insurance cause he hasn't been to a doctor in a few years. This system is completely ridiculous. They don't cover ANY routine examinations for men, not even a physical. There's a ridiculously high deductible that my barely above minimum wage dad will just barely afford. Then after the deductible is met we still have to pay the majority of his routine services.
I'm sitting on my phone with my dad telling him he's 60 years old and really needs some standard tests done and he's says'no no no, that's too much money.' I explain to him it's better to catch problems earlier than later. He'll spend less money in the long run and be healthier in the end. He agrees amicably and gets off the phone. I have a strange feeling he's not going to go out and do it.
The American ideal is that your parents should take care of themselves and children need to go out and live their own lives. It's very individualistic. I had to think about these issues for a really, really long time. I want to become a doctor, I want go work abroad, I want to do all these things in my life. I don't want to leave my parents behind. I'm trying to find compromises everyday between following my dreams and ideals, and keeping their welfare in mind. It's part of the reason why I'm moving closer to them. I haven't just barely the slightest clue what comes next in this game.
There's no easy answer to these issues. The politics, and the personal are both just growing ever more complicated. Which politician can promise change that will fix these issues for me? I support one, but I don't truly believe in either of them.
Received a phone call from South Florida after work today. While wondering who the heck it was, I was shocked when Amy's voice answered. She was in Gainesville for exactly one day and wanted to see me! How exciting is that? In true Amy and Paul style, we went to Lollicup for starters, McAllister's for dinner, and then Marble Slab Creamy for dessert LOL.
Aren't they a ridiculously cute couple?
By some powers that be, a Tai Chi instructor from Tucson AZ fell into my lap and offered to do a free Tai Chi demonstration for employees. This lady is amazing, she's 74 years old and still able to touch her hands flat onto the floor after two knee replacements.
Look at my employees doing Tai Chi! I think the cutest is that Sheriff in the back doing it too. I'll work on brightening this picture up eventually.
Tonight was the last session of my financial organization class. I have to laugh because she talked to me about estate planning. It's kind of hard to plan when you have no estate to speak of.
Afterwards we went to La Tienda. By we I mean Cindy and a bunch of people I didn't really know that well. It was a fun night anyhow. Good Mexican food, good blood sucking mosquitos. Couldn't ask for more.
A friend asked me to go shopping with her today. She's been trying to redo her wardrobe so I spent three hours sitting in a dressing room giving her opinions. I was so hungry and grumpy by the end I started taking pictures of everything in the store hoping the sales clerk would get mad and throw us out. Unfortunately the sales clerk thought I was cute and funny.
Here's my favorite picture that I took. HEADS WITH NO FACES BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
I miss you........
After some sporadic weather while exploring biking trails down in Kanapaha Park, the boys settle down for some Super Smash Brothers Brawl.
Remember the Mardi Gras event that I went to in High Springs? Well the restaurant that catered it happened to be The Grady House which was owned by William's elementary school teacher Mr. B after he left the school board of Sarasota. Well Mr. B doesn't own it any longer but I did manage to get his cell phone number. I felt a bit silly calling him up but it all turned out well in the end.
William made the biggest developmental leaps under his care. His first understanding of conversation, communication, developing social relationships all happened under his care. Today he dropped by for a reunion with William and I bought a cake for him to celebrate his belated birthday. Even after ten years you can tell there's still an amazing bond between the two.
Pictures to come.....
